We draw upon
the world’s secular
and religious traditions, respecting the perspectives of both doubter and
believer.
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during a one-hour rental at Pilgrim Chapel can be filled with meaning and pleasure and give you a lifetime of memories. |
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Pilgrim
Chapel is an exceptionally beautiful site for your wedding, and I am
delighted the folks there have invited me to lead your ceremony on the
day you and your beloved marry during your one-hour rental.
Whether you want a traditional, civil, multi-faith, or unique service, and whether you plan a small private or larger public ceremony, you may want to look over some of the points below.
#1
Weddings at Pilgrim Chapel require a marriage license good for 30 days after it is issued by any Missouri county courthouse.#2 2. Common parts of a wedding and options
Witnesses signing the marriage documents
—
Plans can be made on the spot just before the ceremony begins. #AdaptableCeremony
a. The minister
prepares the license and certificate and
1. Welcome (Bride’s
bouquet to another to hold)
TAKE THE CERTIFICATE
FROM THE ALTAR-TABLE
#4
5. About the minister Dr Vern Barnet, ordained in 1970, founded CRES in 1982 as a multifaith resource for Kansas City, and in 1989 created the Greater Kansas City Interfaith Council. For eighteen years, his column, “Faiths and Beliefs,” appeared each Wednesday in The Kansas City Star into retirement. Here are some of his columns about weddings.#6 6. Planning the ceremony #6-1 I will be happy to help you plan by email. Please respond to these questions: 1. Your names and how you wish to be called during the ceremony (example: Robert or Bob) 2. Do you have (or will you have) a valid Missouri marriage License (good for 30 days)? 3. What are the names of two adults who will be your witnesses to sign the License and Certificate? 4. Do you want a civil (non-religious) wedding or a ceremony adapting a particular religious rite? 5. Would you like any other participants in the ceremony (such as a family member reading a poem)? 6. From the wedding additional options listed above, are there any you wish to include? 7. Anything else you'd like me to know right now, or any questions you may have, in preparing for this Happy Day. #7
#8
For more about wedding
ceremonies,
For
select adjunct services (photography,
The folks at Pilgrim Chapel and I |
Congratulations and Best Wishes!
1. As soon as you arrive, you’ll want to place the two-part
2. If the ceremony includes any of the following, you’ll want to be sure they are in place before the wedding begins. (Often the best place for the vows and rings is on the altar-table.)
3. Just before the ceremony begins, I’ll informally greet your seated guests and, if appropriate, light chancel candles.
5. After the men are in place in a bride-groom wedding, usually the hostess (or someone you designate) helps the Bride’s party to enter from the front door of the chapel to process in. In case of rain, umbrellas or a "Plan B" may be used. 6. During the ceremony, you will want to enjoy looking at each other — not me — except when I’m giving directions. We’ll not rush. Feel free to stand naturally and reach out to each other — and hold hands if you like at any time. 7. After welcoming everyone, in many weddings as arranged, I’ll motion for the bride to give her flowers to her maid/matron/man of honor to hold until the end of the ceremony when the bride takes them to recess with her husband. 8. With your permission, I’d like to take a photo of you together after the ceremony. If your photographer wants me in any posed photos, this would be a good time. 9. The certificate is yours to take when
you leave — unless we make other arrangements, you will find it after the
ceremony on the altar. It is legal proof of your marriage. Be sure you
have it when you leave the chapel.
10. Please feel free to let me know as any questions arise. Again, thank you for inviting me to be with you on this happy occasion! *A sequence for wedding entrances and exits follows, but adaptation for same-sex couples and each situation is best.0. The mothers of the bride and groom and others designated for the honor of speacial seats, usually closest to the chancel, are seated after all other guests are seated. 1. The minister may provide informal greetings to the guests. 2. The minister, the groom, and best man enter from the side and wait in the chancel. 3. Groomsmen follow the best man immediately from the side or can escort the bridesmaids from the front door of the chapel. 4. The bridesmaids singly or with groomsmen escorts begin the procession. 5. The ring bearer and/or flower girl. 6. The maid or matron of honor. 7. The bride, often with an escort -- her father or other close male family member or friend on her right. 8. When the bride’s father reaches the chancel, he may kiss her and then place her hand in her groom’s hand. 9. The minister begins the ceremony by welcoming the guests. 10. He then motions for the bride to hand her flowers to her maid/matron of honor to hold during the ceremony. . . . . 11. After the couple are pronounced husband and wife, the bride is handed her flowers in preparation for the recessional. 12. After the benediction, the couple recess, followed by the wedding party. |
I'll do what you want, but you might consider these notions. 1. I like to help couples design their own ceremony -- civil, religious, simple, elaborate -- that best expresses their desire and needs for themselves and their guests. 2. Some ministers conceive of weddings as a time of instruction; for me it is a time of celebration. The wedding should be about the couple, not me; references to the minister should be as few as possible; instead, let the focus be on the love and commitment of the couple and the joy they bring to their family and friends. 3. Here's a specific example. After the couple has
been pronounced husband and wife, many officiants say to the groom, "You
may now kiss the bride." Frankly, I have no right to give permission for
the groom to kiss the bride. A kiss is customary and I encourage it, but
why should the minister presume to authorize such an intimate moment?
4. Many old sexist customs, if used, can be reinterpreted
to treat each person of the couple equally. This can be easily done to
enhance the dignity of even the most high-spirited ceremony. An example
is the sexist practice of the father giving the bride away. Instead, both
families can present (not give away) and bless their children and the marriage.
5. I've pretty much given up on the idea that each
action should express appropriate meaning because most couples want to
do the expected or pretty thing.
6. As I say, I've pretty much given up on such points and recognize the force of tradition and expectation. I routinely decide in favor of what the couple wants. 7. Most couples like music as part of the occasion,
and most couples like to decorate. But neither is necessary. Pilgrim Chapel
is already a special place without additional adornments.
8. Specific examples and circumstances appear in the columns I wrote about weddings for The Kansas City Star. 9. Most weddings do not need a WEDDING PLANNER. If you do want professional help, please select carefully. You may want to refer them to these notes: I usually conduct the rehearsal. After introductions, I ask the wedding party to take their places as if the wedding ceremony itself were about to begin with the Words of Welcome from me. Then I ask the planner to help the wedding party learn how to get to those places, and how to recess. The rehearsal may include actual parts of the ceremony, depending on the wishes of the couple. Often the rehearsal ends with a prayer or a circle of best wishes. Planners will want to be familiar with the physical layout of Pilgrim Chapel, with possible processional options, and with the law regarding the license and certificate. A wedding should be well-planned, but not over-rehearsed. This is a real event, not a stage production. You want to be free of concerns about photography, arrivals, seatings, and such, to be able to rely on me to guide you through the ceremony, and comfortable enough to enjoy your wedding and each other and your guests. Planners shoud review my rehearsal routine and are welcome to contact me with any questions before the rehearsal or wedding. |
1. Marriage license |
2. Wedding elements and options |
3. Planning notes (PDF) link |
4. Fees |
5. The minister-officiant -- the Rev Vern Barnet, DMn |
6. Planning the ceremony |
7. Wedding day check-list |
8. Additional information - contacts |
9. Our approach |
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Adjunct services: Music, photography, limo |
Check-list for wedding day |
Coordinator, Wedding |
Entrances - Processional |
Handfasting images |
License-Certificate |
Limo |
Music |
Parenthood vows |
Photography |
PILGRIM CHAPEL PHOTOS |
Pilgrim Chapel, Pilgrim Center (816).753-6719 |
Planning Notes -- PDF |
Planning Points
-- HTML
(with common parts of a wedding and options) |
Planner, Wedding |
Processional (Entrances) |
Readings |
Rehearsal |
Sand ceremony images |
Unity Candle example |
Vern's email vern@cres.org |
Videography |
Vows, traditional or your own |
Vows on scrolls (with Wine ceremony) |
Wedding Planner |
Weddings, columns Vern wrote
about weddings
in the KC Star, 1994-2012 |
Wesport Coffee House |
Wine or Drink ceremony (with vows on scrolls) |
max 434px -- small images 332px
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Click on image for larger version Examples of sand ceremonies for couples
One style of the Unity Candle Wine ceremony with vows on scrolls
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1. Learn
More
The Marriage License and Certificate Weddings at Pilgrim Chapel require a marriage license valid for 30 days after it is issued by any Missouri county courthouse. For example:Jackson County Marriage LicensesThe "paperwork" includes both a License and a Certificate. The envelope from the court containing them is best given to the minister at the rehearsal or placed on the altar-table as soon as you arrive. You have nothing to sign. [In special cases you may be asked to write your name and location on the Certificate.] It usually ts It usually takes me five minutes to prepare the documents; then I'll invite the two adult witnesses you have designated to sign the documents and and I will endorse them. (Some counties also ask for the addresses of the witnesses; the forms for the License and the Certificate vary from county to county.) It is usually best to complete the "paperwork" as soon as I arrive, usually 30 minutes before the ceremony begins, so you can enjoy your guests or take photos or leave for your reception. |
After special seatings (as for parents and other close relatives), an informal greeting may be offered, and candles may be lit. Several ways of formal entrances are in use. You will want to decide on which style or how to adapt one according to your wishes. 1. Traditional Plan
2. Chapel Plan
3. Paired Plan
4. Couple Plan
5. Custom Plan
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