Congratulations and Best Wishes!
1. As soon as you arrive (unless we made other arrangements), you’ll want to place the two-part
2. If the ceremony includes any of the following, you’ll want to be sure they are in place before the wedding begins. (Often the best place for the vows and rings is on the altar-table. If I m preparing vows on scrolls for you, I'll get them on the altar-table before the ceremony begins.)
3. The Chapel staff is eager to assist with entrances and exits.
4. For many weddings, just before the ceremony begins, I’ll informally greet your seated guests and, if appropriate, light chancel candles.
5. Weddings with bride and groom often begin with the Minister entering from the side with the Groom immediately following, then followed by the best man. Alternatively, couples may process or appear together, and other plans best suited to the facility and the couple’s wishes determine the plan. LEARN MORE. Same-sex couples have many options. *
6. After the men are in place in a bride-groom wedding, usually the hostess (or someone you designate) helps the Bride’s party to enter from the front door of the chapel to process in. In case of rain, umbrellas or a "Plan B" may be used.
7. During the ceremony, you will want to enjoy looking at each other — not me — except when I’m giving directions. We’ll not rush. Feel free to stand naturally and reach out to each other — and hold hands if you like at any time. I'll guide you through the ceremony so you do not need to worry about remembering anything -- except to kiss after I pronounce you married!
8. After welcoming everyone, in many weddings as arranged, I’ll motion for the bride to give her flowers to her maid/matron/man of honor to hold until the end of the ceremony when the bride takes them to recess with her husband.
9. Here is advice for you to send to your photographer. With your permission, I’d like to take a photo of you together after the ceremony. If your photographer wants me in any posed photos, this would be a good time, immediately after the ceremony.
10. The certificate is yours to take when
you leave — unless we make other arrangements, you will find it after the
ceremony on the altar. It is legal proof of your marriage. Be sure you
have it when you leave the chapel. I return the license to the court.
If you wish, you can obtain a certified copy after it is filed. If you
applied for a certified copy when you applied for your license, it will
be sent to you automatically after the court records the endorsed license.
11. Current health advice based on local assessments are found here.
12. Please feel free to let me know as any questions arise.
Again, thank you for inviting me to be with you on this happy occasion!
0. The mothers of the bride and groom and others designated for the honor of speacial seats, usually closest to the chancel, are seated after all other guests are seated.
1. The minister may provide informal greetings to the guests.
2. The minister, the groom, and best man enter from the side and wait in the chancel.
3. Groomsmen follow the best man immediately from the side or can escort the bridesmaids from the front door of the chapel.
4. The bridesmaids singly or with groomsmen escorts begin the procession.
5. The ring bearer and/or flower girl.
6. The maid or matron of honor.
7. The bride, often with an escort -- her father or other close male family member or friend on her right.
8. When the bride’s father reaches the chancel, he may kiss her and then place her hand in her groom’s hand.
9. The minister begins the ceremony by welcoming the guests.
10. He then motions for the bride to hand her flowers to her maid/matron of honor to hold during the ceremony.
. . . .
11. After the couple are pronounced husband and wife, the bride is handed her flowers in preparation for the recessional.
12. After the benediction, the couple recess, followed by the wedding party.
1. I like to help couples design their own ceremony -- civil, religious, simple, elaborate -- that best expresses their desire and needs for themselves and their guests.
2. Some think of weddings as a time of instruction; for me it is a time of celebration. Isn't it rather late at this point for the officiant to offer lecture or discourse on the requirements for marriage? The wedding should be about the couple, not me; references to the minister should be as few as possible; instead, let the focus be on the love and commitment of the couple and the joy they bring to their family and friends.
3. Here's a specific example. After the couple has
been pronounced husband and wife, many officiants say to the groom, "You
may now kiss the bride." Frankly, I have no right to give permission for
the groom to kiss the bride. A kiss is customary and I encourage it, but
why should the minister presume to authorize such an intimate moment?
4. Many old sexist customs, if used, can be reinterpreted
to treat each person of the couple equally. This can be easily done to
enhance the dignity of even the most high-spirited ceremony. An example
is the sexist practice of the father giving the bride away. Instead, both
families can present (not give away) and bless their children and the marriage.
5. I've pretty much given up on the idea that each
action should express appropriate meaning because most couples want to
do the expected or pretty thing.
6. As I say, I've pretty much given up on such points
and recognize the force of tradition and expectation. I routinely decide
in favor of what the couple wants.
Once a couple who did not heed my advice about the length of the vows wore out the patience of their guests with a two-page single-spaced, tiny-font set of promises so exhausting to deliver that the bride had to sit down for a time before the wedding could proceed. Surely such a catalogue could have been given as a wedding present to her groom rather than making folks wonder if there was any end to what she would promise her groom in public.
9. Specific examples and circumstances appear in the columns I wrote about weddings for The Kansas City Star.
9. Most weddings do not need a WEDDING PLANNER. If you do want professional help, please select carefully. You may want to refer them to these notes:
I usually conduct the rehearsal. After introductions, I ask the wedding party to take their places as if the wedding ceremony itself were about to begin with the Words of Welcome from me. Then I ask the planner to help the wedding party learn how to get to those places, and how to recess. The rehearsal may include actual parts of the ceremony, depending on the wishes of the couple. Often the rehearsal ends with a prayer or a circle of best wishes.
Planners will want to be familiar with the physical layout of Pilgrim Chapel, with possible processional options, and with the law regarding the license and certificate.
A wedding should be well-planned, but not over-rehearsed. This is a real event, not a stage production. You want to be free of concerns about photography, arrivals, seatings, and such, to be able to rely on me to guide you through the ceremony, and comfortable enough to enjoy your wedding and each other and your guests.
Planners should review my rehearsal routine and are welcome to contact me with any questions before the rehearsal or wedding.
These terms are somewhat
arbitrary simple labels
A "CIVIL" ceremony contains no religious references, though words like "sacred" (what is of great importance and "benediction" (good-word, a fare-well, a good wish, a blessing) may be used unless the couple wishes otherwise.
A "SPIRITUAL" ceremony will invoke "God" unless the couple prefers expressions like "Spirit of Generations" or "Creator" or "Souce of All" or some other wording.
A "CHRISTIAN" ceremony explicitly uses the name of Jesus Christ.
A "UNIQUE" or "CUSTOM" ceremony may involve various
License and Certificate
For Kansas weddings, see this.
Before or after special seatings (as for parents and other close relatives), an informal greeting may be offered, and candles may be lit.
Several ways of formal entrances are in use. You will want to decide on which style or how to adapt one according to your wishes.
+These plans can be enhanced if the groom escorts a mother (or other relatives) to his/her/their seat(s) from the rear and then takes his place with the minister (and best man and groomsmen) in the chancel area.
1 or 1+.
2 or 2+.
3 or 3+.
4 or 4=.
5. Custom Plan
Most weddings do not need a rehearsal, but sometimes couples like to have them to preview the ceremony to feel more comfortable and help the wedding party be sure of their roles. or even as part of an evening prenuptual celebration by including family and friends. Whatever your reason for scheduling a rehearsal might be, these considerations might be helpful:
If there are health concerns, I will begin the rehearsal when safety and health guidelines are observed.
1. Please remind folks that the Chapel is sometimes scheduled with events back-to-back, so it is important to be on time.
2. Usually I dress casually for a rehearsal. If you want me to dress up, please let me know.
2. Bring the paperwork (license, certificate, return envelope) in the big white envelope from the courthouse and place it on the altar-table as soon as you arrive unless we make other arrangements. Preparing the documents at the rehearsal with your two witnesses makes it possible for you to focus on each other and your guests at the wedding itself with this detail already completed. You have nothing to sign.
3. I will conduct the rehearsaI and call on the couple (and the wedding planner if one) to be sure that entrances and exits are what is desired.
4. Often is fun to begin with introductions -- who are you and what is your role in the wedding? This can be especially important for children.
5. Rocio (and other staff) at the Chapel and I want to help everyone know how to enter and exit, where to sit or stand, how everyone gets in place, and to give you a good sense of the sequence of the wedding. Questions and suggestions are welcome.
6. Sometimes ending the rehearsal with a brief prayer of blessing or, for a civil ceremony, a circle of best wishes, may be appropriate.
7. If everyone is on time, and there are no technical problem with recorded music, the rehearsal usually should take less than an hour.
Many couples choose to exchange rings during the wedding ceremony. Unless you have other plans, I suggest placing the rings on the altar-table when you arrive. This makes it easy on your best man (what pocket did I put that ring in?) and maid of honor (who probably doesn't have a pocket in her dress).
It is often appropriate for the minister to consecrate, bless, or explicate the rings, then offer them to the couple with short phrases each might repeat to the other.
If you have any concern about slipping them on your
beloved's finger, a little soap on the inside of the rings may make it
slide more easly. If you have difficulty, take your time -- no rush, and
if your beloved wants to help, that's OK, too.
About the minister
Dr Vern Barnet, ordained in 1970, founded CRES in 1982 as a multifaith resource for Kansas City, and in 1989 created the Greater Kansas City Interfaith Council. For eighteen years, his column, “Faiths and Beliefs,” appeared each Wednesday in The Kansas City Star into retirement. Here are some of his columns about weddings.Fees for the minister
Fees for the minister’s services are included
For inquiries about, and scheduling
For more about wedding
For select adjunct services,
was initiated and conducted by a marketing agency with which Vern decided
not to establish a relationship, though the questions seemed useful.
How does your service stand out?
What is your typical process for working with
a new request?
What education and/or training do you have
that relates to your work?
At Pilgrim Chapel, my fee is included in the arrangements made with Pilgrim Chapel.
Elsewhere my fee depends on the extent of planning required, whether the couple wishes a rehearsal, the involvement the couple wishes from me in associated festivities, and such. I suggest a sliding scale and respect each couple's financial situation. The quality of my work deserves appropriate recognition.
How did you get started officiating for weddings?
What types of folks have you worked with?
I recently enjoyed doing an interfaith baptism for a couple I had married several years ago. The ceremony used waters from the Ganges, the Tiber, the Seine, the Missouri, the Yangtze, and other rivers of the world.
If I can mention another: marrying a young couple. The groom was the son of a couple I married decades ago.
What advice would you give a folks looking
to find a professionally-trained officiant?
What top three questions might folks think
through before talking to professionals about their needs?
I've written about my general approach to weddings and offer some specific thoughts "the kiss" and such on my website, as well as in a dozen of my columns for The Kansas City Star.
Pilgrim Chapel has proved to be an exceptionally beautiful and convenient site for many weddings, and I have a wonderful relationship with the staff there.
The Kansas City area offers many choice sites for weddings and receptions --
parks -- example: Loose Park
gardens -- example: Powell GardensIf you have not yet selected a location, I may offer suggestions depending on the kind of wedding you wish to have. Facility fees are arranged directly between you and the venue.
elegant venues -- example: Webster House
religious settings -- example: Pilgrim Chapel
historic sites -- example: Alexander Majors Barn
and perhaps your own home or a friends's home.
The honorarium for the minister’s services depends on the extent of the planning, whether a rehearsal is desired, and the context of the ceremony. You will want to include it in your wedding budget. The minister's fee is included in rental arrangements with Pilgrim Chapel.
#NameChange The Marriage License and Certificate #legal #solemnize