CRES founded 1982  —   Pilgrim Chapel   —   816.753.6719  pilgrim@pilgrimcenterinc.org
 


We draw upon the world’s secular and religious traditions,
respecting the perspectives of both doubter and believer.
Valentine's Day
 
at Pilgrim Chapel

Link to the Chapel
for Valentine's Day

816-753-6719
Kansas City's historic Pilgrim Chapel
is an exceptionally beautiful site
for your Valentine's Day wedding.
I am delighted that the folks there
have invited me to lead your 5-minute Valentine's Day ceremony.

Here is my email address: vern.barnet@gmail.com .

1. Obtain a Marriage License from any county in the State of Missouri. LEARN MORE

2. To prepare, please let me know which form of ceremony you prefer.  FOR VOW RENEWAL, CLICK HERE.
  •  Civil (non-religious)
  •  Spiritual (without reference to a specific faith) 
  •  Christian, non-denominational 
     A Civil ceremony fulfills legal requirements without references to matters of faith.
     A Spiritual ceremony may use language of the sacred, the traanscendent, and "go" or metaphors for God.
     A Christian non-denominatinal ceremony includes using "Christ."
  3. In your email, tell me if you want to be addressed during the ceremony by your familiar name (Jim instead of James, Babs instead of Barbara).

4. Send me a photo of your Marriage License from any Misouri county dated after January 14. With information from the License, I will prepare a special color Certificate and have it printed for you in advance of your wedding.  
LEARN MORE

5. Below is a check-list for your wedding day.

LOOKING FORWARD
     I look forward to celebrating your love and
     commitment on your Wedding Day!
Vern Barnet
 ABOUT YOUR MINISTER
 
#documents
ABOUT THE MARRIAGE DOCUMENTS

1. DOCUMENTS
     Chapel marriages require a Missouri License, good for 30 days. The courthouse will provide you with a License to be returned and a Certificate form. I provide a Certificate which is yours to keep.
     Some couples also request a Certified Copy of the License when they apply for the License, to be mailed to them after the wedding. 
     I provide a Receipt for one of you to sign.
Here is Jackson County's Marriage License website: https://www.jacksongov.org/Government/Departments/Recorder-of-Deeds/Apply-for-a-Marriage-License


Here is Platte County's Marriage License website
https://www.co.platte.mo.us/marriage-license


 Here is Clay County's Marriage License website:
https://www.claycountymo.gov/259/Marriage-License
Clay County is now requesting "the name and phone number of the officiant" in the application process.
     You can supply "The Rev. Vern Barnet, D.Mn.,"
     with the Chapel's phone number, 816-753-6719.











2. PRESENT THE DOCUMENTS
     When you arrive at the Chapel, please place the envelope or folder with the documents from the court on the chancel table or give them to Rocio or Amelia or me.

3. WITNESSES SIGN MARRIAGE DOCUMENTS
     Before the wedding, I'll take a few minutes to prepare the documents, and then I’ll invite your two adult witnesses to sign. If you did not bring witnesses, the Chapel will supply them.

4. THE RECEIPT FOR THE LICENSE
One of the couple signs a Receipt for the endorsed license.

5. THE WEDDING !

6. YOU LEAVE WITH THE DOCUMENTS 
* You keep the Certificate and
* return the endorsed License to the court by mail
(an envelope for this is usually provided by the court) or you can return it in person if you prefer. You will find instructions for returning the license with it.
    
-----------
  
#checklist 
 
Check List and Reminders

BRING WITH YOU --------

1. license-certificate envelope or folder package

2. rings if part of the ceremony

REMINDERS  ---------

3. During the ceremony, face each other and enjoy looking at each other, not at me or my wedding book.
#order
4. Here is the Wedding Ceremony Sequence:
 
    Greetings from the minister
    Prayer if desired
    Vows and Rings
    Pronouncement and Embrace
    Benediction or Farewell Wish
    Presentation of the Marriage Documents   

5. After I pronounce you married and you embrace, I'll offer a concluding Benediction or Best Wishes, and present you with your endorsed license and certificate.

6. Be sure you have the marriage documents with you when you leave the Chapel. With them I'm including information you might want about them.

#Data
LICENSE INFORMATION FOR CERTIFICATE

In order to prepare and print a color Marriage Certificate according to Missouri law (451.110),
the following information is required:
  • The names of the parties as given on the Marriage License
  • The residence (town and county) of each party 
  • The date the License was issued
  • The County issuing the License
  • In addition, send me any numbers on the License. They are usually at the top of the document. Some counties have twonumbers, some one number.  
  • Some counties include the ages of the parties.
Instead of sending a photo of the License, you can carefully copy and send this information.
#LicenseReturn


LICENSE RETURN INFORMATION

The State requires the return of the endorsed and witnessed marriage LICENSE within 15 days of its use and signing -- Valentine's couples should complete this happy task now. Some couples return it in person; others mail it in the#10 envelope the Court usually provides inside the big envelope or folder.
     
If you ordered a $10 certified copy of the endorsed LICENSE, it is often mailed to you soon after the Court receives the license back. But Certified copies can be ordered at any time.
   
The marriage CERTIFICATE is yours to keep. With your "paperwork" in the big envelope or folder after the wedding, I usually try to include a copy of the vows on scrolls if you used them in your ceremony, along with your LICENSE to return and your CERTIFICATE to keep.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Congratulations and Best Wishes !!

Vern, vern@cres.org
Chaplain on call for Pilgrim Chapel

             
   
     





#bio

The Reverend Vern Barnet, DMn

    Dr Vern Barnet, ordained in 1970, founded CRES in 1982 as a multi-faith resource for Kansas City. For eighteen years, his column, “Faiths and Beliefs,” appeared each Wednesday in The Kansas City Star into retirement. The recipient of many awards for his civic and professional activities, and author and editior of numerous articles, poems, and reviews, and several books, he has taught at area colleges and seminaries. He is a Chaplain on call for Pilgrim Chapel.

You can find him on Wikipedia and on the CRES website.






#renewal
WEDDING VOW
RENEWAL CEREMONY
under preparatiom

Here is my email address: vern.barnet@gmail.com .

To prepare, please let me know which form of ceremony you prefer.
  •  Civil (non-religious)
  •  Christian, non-denominational
  •  Spiritual (without reference to a specific faith) 
Please tell me if you want to be addressed during the ceremony by your familiar name (Jim instead of James, Babs instead of Barbara).

For your Vow Renewal Certificate, please send the following to me at vern.barnet@gmail.com --
  • The date of your marriage
  • Place of your marriage
  • Your names as you wish them to appear on the Valentine's Day Vow Renewal Certificate
  • Optional: City and State of Marriage
  • Optional: Names of your children
LOOKING FORWARD
     I look forward to celebrating your continuing love and commitment with your Vow Renewal!
Vern Barnet
 ABOUT YOUR MINISTER





#Certificate
 

The Marriage Certificate you receive, conforming to Missouri law, is, I think, a more fitting keep-sake than the forms county offices provide, more suitable for framing or your wedding book or papers. 
     If you send me a photo of your marriage license when you get it from the courthouse, I can prepare your certificate ahead of your wedding day which saves some of the paperwork at that time. I usually need a couple days to get the certificate printed. You keep the Certificate. In recent years, an increasing number of couples, or various reasons, prefer to return the license themselves instead if of asking the officiant to do it. To save confusion, I have learned from this and now make it a routine part of the marriage documentation.
     Most couples, either when they register for a license or when they return it, request a certified copy of the marriage license to be sent to them after the county registers the license.

"Fun Fact"? Missouri counties have their own marriage license and certificate forms, differing from one another.
     Some counties include the ages of the couple. Some ask for the signatures and addesses of the witnesses; others want only the signatures plus the names printed. Some counties have two identification numbers on the top of the license; others have just one. Some counties print the names of the couple on the certificate; others require the officiant to write them in the blank spaces. One county asks the officiant to print his or her name twice and sign it once --  on the same sheet of paper, the license

As far as I know, only Clay County sometimes asks the name and phone number of the officant when the couple apply for their license -- but most of the time this does not seem to be requested. Maybe this is a preference of a particular clerk.
     However you get your Misssouri license, we'll get you properly married!





























Valentine's Day Couples <vern@cres.org>

Congratulations!  -- License return info

 Dear Happy Couples--

Thanks for the honor and pleasure on Valentine's Day to preside at your weddings at Pilgrim Chapel! Over the course of the morning, I enjoyed the variety each couple contributed to the Valentine's celebration, and that night  as I was dropping off to sleep I had a fantasy of a Valentine's party sometime in the future where each couple could meet the other six couples who brought such pleasure to the folks at the Chapel and to me.

So again: Thanks.

Even though each couple's endorsed license included instructions on how to return it within 15 days, I do worry, however, that the scheduling kept me from explaining this in person to each couple, which I prefer to do. 
* Take the License (not the Certificate) back to the courthouse 
         OR put it in the envelope provided by the courthouse and mail it back.
* The Certificate is yours to keep forever.

That procedure is also explained here --
https://www.cres.org/wed_Valentines.htm#LicenseReturn
and if you have any questions, please let me know.  

Once again, thanks! and Congratulations and Best wishes!

Vern
The Rev Vern Barnet, DMn
Chaplain on call for Pilgrim Chapel
CRES minister emeritus, Kansas City, MO
 


A & R- 

A couple more points perhaps worth remembering--

I did not not realize music would be available and so did not ask about it. I'll be better prepared with this information next time.

I meant to applaud the sparkling beverage toast and the photographs -- what a wonderful way of providing a full and personal experience. Even though these were not my duties, I was unavoidably, though marginally, affected and I think this is another reason for a buffer.

I did receive an email from a bride Sunday morning wondering why she had not received her photos. I did not know when this might have been planned, so I simply let you know about the situation. I didn't see any promise about when the photos would be send on the Chapel website, so I was surprised she expected "overnight delivery."

Close enough to qualify for a coincidence : Elaina and Alaina. Two Roberts would not have been as surprising.

We made a good bunch of people happy!

V

On 2026-02-14 10:11 PM, Vern Barnet wrote:
Hi Amelia--

Thanks for stepping in and helping me with several items today!

Afterwards, Rocio and I discussed what we have learned from today.

seven  weddings
 
a same-sex couple
a couple in their 20s
a couple in their 40s
a couple in their 70s
a same-sex couple
five were white couples
one couple was interracial 
once couple was black 
I love the diversity.
One couple chose a civil ceremony.
Others were Christian  -- I stll think we need to offer a "spiritual" option. I did get asked, so I have improved the explanation for that at https://www.cres.org/wed_Valentines.htm
I love the diversity.
What a joy! Boy, am I tired.

My  first suggestion is that you write the International Olympics Committee to certify a new sport: marathon marrying. Rocio should be the entrant. She had me doing one wedding while she was dealing with two other couples waiting with their witnesses Who could handle a human relations situations like that? Rocio. Send her to the Olympics.

Afterwards, I asked Rocio to review the web page https://www.cres.org/wed_Valentines.htm I had made for Valentine's couples. She made a couple suggestions which I will incorporate soon. Suggestions from you are also eagerly welcome, of course. I kept my initial email to couples as short as possible and I included the link to this page for more details. The day before the wedding, I also sent out a specific link to the checklist on that page,  https://www.cres.org/wed_Valentines.htm#checklist .

Of the six couples I wrote, four sent me images of their licenses. This saves so much paperwork time the day of the wedding. I wrote the no-responsive couples a second or third time, and said if they could get the photos to me by Friday night, I'd see if I could get Certificates printed for them early Saturday morning (I did what I had Friday.) But they were unable to respond. I think at least one couple (I'll check this later) picked up their license on Friday.

Next year, Valentine's is on Sunday, and I think most license offices are closed Saturday, so everybody should be able to send me their photos. I did get several comments, including one email, about how beautiful the Certificates are. I think having the Pilgrim Chapel logo on them is one subtle way of reminding them of how much we cared for them to have a meaningful, though short, time with us.

BTW, next year Lent begins Feb 10, and I am reluctant to miss church the first Sunday in Lent. St Paul's on 40th and Main is close, so I could do weddings at noon onward. If you think it best to start earlier, Rocio could fill in or she or you may have other ideas.

I started the day with spare copies of everything I eventually needed except an extra blank Certificate, so the one unscheduled couple received just the standard form supplied by the County. I'll be better prepared all around text time, and save these notes to be sure!

I like the challenge of doing short weddings, but I think there needs to be a buffer time in between. While I was really prepared and had all my papers in order, one unexpected activity meant rushing to respond, and it was tricky to get my papers back in order without a little time between weddings. I think it is great to call them 5-minute ceremonies, and allow a 15-minute slot, but also consider a 15-minute buffer between each.  I realize I also need a minute, not much more, to get acquainted. For example, I simply asked the couple how they met. They met in Biology class. I asked, "Did they teach you about the Krebs cycle?" The groom said he vaguely remembered. Somehow in the Ceremony Greeting words I worked in their meeting in biology class. I know this made an impression because the Groom told me after the ceremony he had now called about how the Krebs cycle worked in mitochondria! I don't think he expected that when he was arriving for his wedding, but I think it will enhance his feeling about how he was cared for at Pilgrim Chapel. I could give other examples from today. I can't always do this, but most of the time I just need 60-90 seconds to make a connection.

We did say that the ceremonies  involved pre-scripted vows, but one groom today pulled out his cell phone and read a longer vow. When I revise the initial letter and the web site, after talking with Rocio, I'll emphasize the pre-scripted vows; and say because of scheduling other couples, vows run 30 seconds (60 words).  I really don't like opening a door to this as an option, but it may be more important to avoid what could have been much worse if both the bride and the groom had gone on for some time. (I never tell the couple this, even in regular ceremonies, because there are so many other reasons to do vows on scrolls, but one reason between you and me is that it shortens the length of the ceremony  by saving the minister's "repeat after me" business.)

I'll also ask for names of witnesses so you and Rocio will know if you are needed. I will add that to https://www.cres.org/r.htm . If you are going to be witnesses, you and Rocio can sign all those Certificates ahead of time, before the first wedding, and that would move things along and save some of the jostling between weddings.

I will put hearts on the vows again next year. I could tell some of the couples really appreciated that touch. Anything we can do -- especially beyond what they expect -- that makes folks feel they have visited, and for a time inhabited, a special place on the planet, a place that gave their lives a magical moment, is not only for them but also as they share with others their experience at Pilgrim Chapel. I know at least one couple expressed surprise to Rocio at how personally we treated them rather than rather mechanically. One of many reasons I am so happy to work with you and Rocio.

Happy Valentine's!

Vern